the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
