You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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