Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
