You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
