you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
