we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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