one might say we're banned from that church
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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