i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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