I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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