I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize