I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
