My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
