I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
