My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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