today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
