I hate your face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
