Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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