So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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