I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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