just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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