there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
