Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
