I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you had me at cake vodka
I need moral support for this bender
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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