i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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