it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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