the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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