whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
