i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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