it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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