Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
