But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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