Life is so much better after having sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
