i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
