summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
