i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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