I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
