Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
