Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
