I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
