She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize