I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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