i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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