Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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