How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
