I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
