So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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