i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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