He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
