We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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