I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
