My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
