i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
