its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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