I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
