I want to make a zoo with you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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