Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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