mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
