I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize