just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
