There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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