loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
