I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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