I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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