So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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