like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
