I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize