Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
