WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Who died my cat blue again?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
